REMEMBER AND DO NOT FORGET

“Remember what Hashem, your God, did to Miriam on the way when you were leaving Egypt.” (Devarim 24:9)

In the verse above, the Torah is referring to an incident in our parsha, Bamidbar chapter 12. The basic facts as they appear in the text and are elaborated upon by the Midrash (Tanchuma and Sifrei) are as follows: Seventy elders were appointed by Moshe as members of the first Sanhedrin, the highest court of the Nation. In the course of their appointment, Moshe shared with them some of his prophetic ability. Some of the appointees began to prophesy in the camp. At that moment, Moshe’s wife Zipporah was standing next to his sister Miriam and she said, “Woe to the wives of these men who will receive prophecy, for they will have to separate from their wives as my husband separated from me!” Miriam realised then that Moshe had not been living with Zipporah as husband and wife since the revelation at Sinai. She shared this information with her brother Aharon. She was critical of Moshe because she believed (mistakenly) that he was no different to other prophets. When God gave the Torah at Sinai, the entire nation was told not to engage in conjugal relations with their spouses for three days prior (Shmot 19:15). However, after the revelation they were permitted to resume their intimate relationships (see Devarim 5:27). Miriam assumed that Moshe was also permitted to resume his intimate relationship with Zipporah, but this was not the case. Since Moshe could and did receive prophecy at any time, Hashem told him to separate from his wife (Devarim 5:28). Miriam’s mistake was comparing Moshe to other prophets. God called her out and scolded her (Bamidbar 12:6): “He said, “Hear now My words. If there shall be prophets among you, in a vision shall I, Hashem, make Myself known to him; in a dream shall I speak with him. Not so is My servant Moshe; in My entire house he is the trusted one. Mouth to mouth do I speak to him, in a clear vision and not in riddles, at the image of Hashem does he gaze. Why did you not fear to speak against My servant Moshe?” Hashem struck her with the plague of tzara’at which required her to quarantine outside the camp for seven days.

The injunction to remember what Hashem did to Miriam is a warning against the negative consequences of lashon hara, evil speech. The lashon hara in that case was relatively mild. Firstly, Miriam spoke only to her brother Aharon and no one else. Secondly, her intention was not to disparage Moshe or hurt him but only to help Zipporah. And thirdly, Moshe was not bothered at all, as the Torah states in the same episode (Bamidbar 12:3), “Now the man Moshe was exceedingly humble, more than any person on the face of the earth.” Despite this, she was punished for the ‘sin’ of comparing him to other prophets! If this is the case with mild lashon hara, then how much more so when one mocks, insults and derides another in the presence of a number of people! Rabbi Eliezer Papo (in Peleh Yoetz, zichronot) adds, “Go and learn the severity of the sin of lashon hara from the mere fact that for all sins of the Torah, the Holy One, blessed is He, did not require a daily remembrance, as He has done for lashon hara. Alas, due to our great sinfulness, we have all strayed like sheep as the Sages teach (Bava Batra 165a): all are guilty of lashon hara. And it has been stated in the Talmud (Arachin 15b) how the sin of lashon hara is more severe than the three cardinal sins of idol worship, immorality and murder combined. One should certainly tremble and become unsettled [when hearing this] and place a muzzle upon his mouth!”

In the same chapter, Rabbi Papo addresses nine other concepts that the Torah requires us to remember on a regular basis, six of which appear in most siddurim (see Artscroll page 176 and Koren page 199) following the morning service. They are: the Exodus from Egypt; the Revelation at Sinai; the battle with Amalek; the Sin of the Golden Calf, Miriam and the Shabbat. Rabbi Papo adds the miracle of the manna; Jerusalem; the way in which our ancestors angered Hashem in the wilderness and the plot of Balak and Bilaam that was thwarted by God. He writes that these remembrances should be “uttered by the mouth and not forgotten in the heart.” He continues, “But the main thing is that one must know that everything depends on his efforts to gain the specific purpose that comes from remembering each one of these ten things, for this was the intention of our Creator, blessed be His Name, who adjured us to remember them! Thus, if one recalls one of these matters without giving it proper attention, what has he really done or accomplished? Rather one must take them to heart and make every effort to safeguard and perform them. For example, regarding the remembrance to remember the Exodus from Egypt, one must be moved to recognize how much good Hashem did for us then; how much love and how much compassion He displayed for us, blessed be He…”

Rabbi Papo also addresses the value of remembering, in general. He advises that one should keep good records of all one’s financial transactions as “forgetfulness is quite prevalent and unexpected death is unfortunately all too commonplace.” Often heirs are completely unaware of their deceased relatives’ business dealings and struggle to find their accounts. He also cautions one to make reminders of all of one’s obligations, be they to others or to God. He describes his own custom, “I myself have the practice that when I drink water before my morning coffee, where it is quite common to forget the borei nefashot blessing, as soon as I finish drinking the water, I turn my signet ring around so that the signet is on the back of my finger or I move it to another finger, and, because of this, I always remember to recite the proper blessing.” He suggests that everyone should do something similar “so that he will remember and not forget to do whatever he must, whether voluntary matters or mitzvah obligations.”

I find that between my work at the shul, the Beth Din and as a mohel, there is so much I need to remember.  Forgetting an appointment or a task or a simcha can lead to resentment, anger and major faribles! In the past, I used an old-fashioned Page-A-Day diary in which I recorded all my appointments. For the last few years, I have used the Google Calendar app on which one can record events (such as appointments, birthdays and anniversaries) and tasks (such as visiting a patient in the hospital). The calendar can be set to send reminders several days or hours before the event or task is due. I have found this to be an excellent tool for keeping track of my life. But even then, since I am human, I am prone to forgetting. I hereby apologise in advance for any things that might have slipped my mind! I have also gotten into the habit of telling people not to inform me about upcoming events on Shabbat because I have no way of writing down the details. I gently request of them to message me after Shabbat so I can record the event on my calendar.

Rabbi Papo further advises that one should compile lists of the essential laws of the festivals and other mitzvoth that occur from time to time. He notes how embarrassing it is when community members ask the rabbi the same questions every year. I recall that in the first few years of my rabbinate, I spent a lot of time studying the laws of the festivals – Pesach, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot etc. – so that I would be able to advise my congregants about the relevant halakhot of the Seder; the mitzvah of shofar; fasting on Yom Kippur; sukkah; lulav and etrog; and other seasonal mitzvoth. In some cases, I composed summaries of these laws which I still refer to today.

Forgetfulness is part of the human condition and, rather than ignore it, we should do the utmost to devise methods of remembering what is important.

Lee, Chani Merryl & Naomi join me in wishing you Shabbat Shalom.

Rabbi Liebenberg.

Rabbi’s YouTube messages: https://youtu.be/7NR5HviGY5k