BURNING YOUR BRIDGES

“When you are in distress and all these matters befall you, by the end of days, you will return to the Lord your God, and you will heed His voice. As the Lord your God is a merciful God, He will neither forsake you, not destroy you, nor forget the covenant of your fathers with regard to which He took an oath to them.” (Devarim 4:30-31)

These verses contain a remarkable idea, namely that God will accept repentance even when it is motivated by suffering that was brought upon the penitent as a result of his own negative behaviour. Rabbeinu Yona mentions this concept in the opening paragraph of his magnum opus on the laws of repentance, Shaarei Teshuva (1:1): “Among the good things which God, may He be blessed, has bestowed upon His creations is the path which He prepared for them to ascend from the baseness of their actions, to escape the trap of their inequities, to hold their souls back from destruction and to remove His anger from upon them. Because of His goodness and uprightness, He has taught them and warned them to return to Him when they sin against Him – for He understands their nature, as it is stated (Tehillim 25:8), “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore He shows sinners the way.” [Even] if they greatly sin and rebel and act like treacherous betrayers – He does not close the doors of repentance to them, as it is stated (Isaiah 31:6), “Return, to Him to whom they have been so shamefully false.” It is [also] stated (Jeremiah 3:22), “Turn back, O rebellious children, I will heal your afflictions.” We are warned about repentance in several places in the Torah. It is explained that repentance is accepted even when the sinner repents because of his many troubles – how much more so [will it be accepted] if he returns because of fear or love of God – as it is stated (Devarim 4:30), “When you are in distress because all these things have befallen you and, in the end, return to the Lord your God and obey Him.”

Essentially, it is very difficult to “burn your bridges” when it comes to God. Even when Jews turn their backs on Him and embrace idolatry, leading to exile and suffering (as described in our parasha, Devarim 4:25-28), He will still accept their repentance. Human beings are not as forgiving. Often, all it takes is one transgression (or imagined transgression) against someone and the victim will cut off ties with the perpetrator for all time. In this regard, I am reminded of the story of Yiftach, one of the judges of Israel in the era before the kings (Shoftim chapter 11). Yiftach had the misfortune of being born to a common-law wife, prompting his half-brothers, who were progeny of their father’s ‘true wife,’ to ridicule him. They drove Yiftach away and denied him any inheritance in their father’s estate. This course of action, in retrospect, was not a prudent one. As the years passed, Yiftach grew to become a great warrior and gathered to himself a formidable fighting force. When the Nation of Ammon attacked the area where his family lived, Yiftach’s brothers sent a delegation to him pleading for assistance. This was his answer (Shoftim11:7): “Did you not hate me and drive me away from my father’s house? Why do you come to me now when you are aggrieved?” The boy they had despised had now become a powerful man, and their only source of protection. Would he hold their cruel treatment of him against them and leave them to their foes? In the case of Yiftach, he proved the better person and assisted them in their plight.

Rabbeinu Yona mentions the story of Yiftach in a latter chapter (2:2) where he more fully develops the idea stated above. In this section of his book, he notes that there are six inspirations for repentance. Some of these are related to certain activities (such as Torah study) and some by particular events, such as during the Ten Days of repentance or when one approaches one’s day of death. The first inspiration is when a person is beset by troubles and suffering: “The first way is [that] when a man encounters troubles, he will consult his heart and say [that] it is only his ways and his plots that have caused this to him, and that his sins have caused [the pain] to his soul. So he repents to God; and He has mercy upon him, like the matter that is stated (Devarim 31:17), “and many evils and troubles shall befall them; and they shall say on that day, ‘Surely it is because our God is not in our midst that these evils have befallen us.'” But note that the custom among men is [that] if one sins to someone, and [later] at a time of trouble for him regrets it and submits to him because he needs him; such regret will be inferior in the eyes of his fellow – like the matter that Yiftach said (Shoftim 11:7), “How can you come to me now when you are in trouble?” However it is one of the kindnesses of God, may He be blessed, that He accepts repentance [motivated by] trouble and it is desirable in front of Him. And He will generously love the sinner when he returns to Him on the day of his rebuke and from amidst trouble, as it is stated (Hosea 14:2-5), “Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God, for you have fallen because of your sin. Take words with you, etc. I will heal their affliction; generously will I take them back in love.” And it is stated (Proverbs 3:12), “For whom the Lord loves, He rebukes, as a father the son whom he favours.”

But with human beings it is very seldom like that. Once we ‘burn our bridges’ it is usually very difficult to rebuild them. Centuries ago, our Sages pre-empted this problem. They cautioned us (Avot 4:3): “Do not despise any man, for there is no man who does not have his hour!” Rabbi Berel Wein (commentary to Pirkei Avot) puts it into a more modern context: “The nerd whom you derided in high school may turn out to be your boss later in life. Thus, as a practical matter, leaving piety and morality aside, we should always show respect and sensitivity to other human beings, for one never knows when and how one will encounter that person again.”

Lee, Chani Merryl & Naomi join me in wishing you Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Liebenberg.

This week’s YouTube message: https://youtu.be/Ltq8Dmwx2Qg?si=n8DJtyJ7dHjZw1kg

TU B’AV – THE 15^TH AV (Wednesday 29 July 2026)

The Talmud (Ta’anit 26b) refers to Tu B’Av as one of the two happiest days on the calendar in ancient Israel (the other being Yom Kippur when sins are forgiven). Several reasons are given: (i) The Tribes of Israel were permitted to intermarry after an initial ban barring all women who inherited property from their fathers not to marry a man from another Tribe. (ii) The woodchoppers completed the lengthy task of procuring wood for the altar in the Temple. (iii) The generation that came out of Egypt ceased to die in the wilderness after 40 years of wandering. (iv) The guards set in place by the king of the Northern Province of Israel, Yeravam ben Nevat, to prevent Jews from the north making the pilgrimage to Jerusalem were removed. (v) Those killed in the city of Betar during Bar Kochba’s failed rebellion against Hadrian were finally brought to rest after the Romans denied them burial. We do not recite Tachanun on Tu B’Av and it is a popular date for weddings coming as it does after the Three Weeks of Mourning.